I smell stomach acid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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