Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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