Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
