Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
