It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
where am i from again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
