My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
