He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
