I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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