does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
