actually, I'm a sock model
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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