true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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