OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
