You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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