he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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