Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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