Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
