but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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