He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
