Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
