just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
