I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Enjoy the penises
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
