I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I bet he comes in French.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
