you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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