I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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