cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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