your parents love me but you hate me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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