Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?