i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.