i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.