Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think i have two assholes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am