@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night