problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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