She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
