I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
