Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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