you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
