She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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