weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
