I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
her vagine was all disorganized.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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