I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
