She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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