Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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