I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
