Buhtt sex?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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