I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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