Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
