Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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