Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
