i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
