dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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