Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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