How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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