Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
