I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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