new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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