I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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