Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
