My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got chris browned last night
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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