Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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