wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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