Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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