Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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