Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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