Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
