Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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