I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
