Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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