I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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