we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
