??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
