Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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