I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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