god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
